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For kids

What is Bullying

The dictionary says bullying is to hurt, intimidate or persecute others.

Bullying can be many different things - not just the things we do to others but the things we say. Bullying is deliberate and is intended to upset others.

Bullying can include:

  • Physical violence - Pushing, hitting, hurting others.
  • Teasing - Name calling, racist comments, making fun of others because they are different or just saying things that are not true.
  • Exclusion – You can’t play with us anymore.
  • Threatening – If you don’t do this I will do that or don’t tell anyone or you will regret it.
  • Damaging your property.
  • Taking things – Lunch or lunch money are common ones but can include your new pens or other property.
  • Nasty body language – nasty faces or rude gestures.
  • Internet abuse.
  • Phone/Cell phone abuse – Includes nasty phone calls, nasty or threatening texts, upsetting images/photos.

What to do if you are being bullied

The most important thing to remember if you are being bullied is this:

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU ARE BEING BULLIED AND IT IS NOT RIGHT!

Do not blame yourself and do not believe the lies bullies say about you.

Often if you ignore the bully the bullying will stop. Just take no notice of the name calling or walk away when others start picking on you – it may be hard to do this but when the bully sees that they are having no effect on you often the bullying will stop.

If this does not work go up to the bully and say; "Please stop calling me that or doing that. I don't like it and I want you to stop!"

IF THE BULLYING DOES NOT STOP YOU MUST TELL SOMEONE!

If you do not tell anyone nothing will change. Here are some good ideas about how to do this:

  • Tell a teacher or another adult you trust, or tell your family.
  • If you are scared to tell a teacher on your own ask a friend to go with you.
  • Keep speaking up until something is done to stop the bullying and you feel safe and happy again.

IF YOU SEE SOMEONE ELSE BEING BULLIED:

  • Be a friend to the person being bullied.
  • Offer to help them tell a teacher or offer to do it for them if they are too scared.
  • Don’t watch, laugh or join in with bullies if you know inside it is wrong.

REMEMBER TO ALWAYS TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

Text Bullying

Receiving nasty texts isn’t much fun and they may not just come at school time. Nasty texts can be sent after school, at night and in the weekends.

But there is something you can do about it!

  • Parents can help. If you constantly receive messages that upset or offend you tell your parents so together you can knock the problem on the head before it gets out of hand.
  • Do not give your phone details to anyone you do not know.
  • Do not reply to any text that makes you feel uncomfortable.
  • If you get a text from an unknown number do not reply.
  • Contact your mobile network supplier immediately if you get any nasty texts. They can contact the sender for you and if necessary block that number from your phone. If the offending continues they can disconnect the bully’s phone.
  • For more advice you can contact Netsafe. Their website includes information on text bullying and what you can do about it. You can contact Netsafe lots of different ways: 
    Email: queries@netsafe.org.nz 
    Phone: 0508 NetSafe (0508 638 723)

Cyber Bullying

Bullying is hard to deal with, and when it’s online the person being mean to you is doing it in front of the whole world. But there are things you can do if you are being cyberbullied to make the bullying stop.

  • Talk to an adult you trust about the problem, like a parent, caregiver or teacher. They can be great support and can help you make the bullying stop.
  • Ask the person to stop. If they don’t stop after you have asked them to, make sure you don’t reply to any of their messages.
  • Gather evidence so you can show your parents, teachers or Netsafe. Take note of the address of the abusive page and try and save the mean messages. It can be a good idea to take a screenshot of the nasty comments and save it (you can do that pressing the button on your keyboard that says ‘PrtScn’ and then paste it into a word document).
  • Make a complaint to the website. Most websites have rules for people who use their website to ensure they don’t harass other people. If people break these rules they can be kicked off the site.
  • If a person is being weird or creepy tell your parents or a trusted adult. In some cases, the police may also be able to help.
  • For more advice you can contact Netsafe. Their website includes information on text bullying and what you can do about it. You can contact Netsafe lots of different ways: 
    Email: queries@netsafe.org.nz 
    Phone: 0508 NetSafe (0508 638 723)

 

For Parents

What to do if your child is a bully

Bullies can be anyone and any student can get caught up with friends who bully without realising the damage they are doing.

If you find out your child is bullying others talk to them and let them know bullying is wrong and unacceptable. Ask how they would feel if they were bullied.

Put them off joining in with friends who may be bullying and who think that bullying is OK. Encourage friendships with those who treat others well.

It may also be good to talk to your child’s teacher. When you and the school work together you are more likely to help your child.

Be a good example to your children and encourage and praise them when they play well and get it right. Teach them to say sorry when they do something wrong and encourage them to put things right.

What to do if your child is being bullied

Children who are being bullied may not want to talk about it. Sometimes victims can blame themselves and feel ashamed or embarrassed and do not want to tell anyone, especially their parents. That is why you might not know about any bullying until it has been happening for a while.

Children sometimes show signs they are being bullied. Such signs could include if your child:

  • Doesn’t want to go to school – comments like I want to leave or do I have to go
  • Appears unhappy at the end of weekends or holidays
  • Shows signs of having been involved in fights or complains of minor aches and pains
  • Books, money, lunch or belongings go missing
  • Constantly asks for money
  • Appears anxious, distressed or unhappy
  • May have tummy aches or nightmares

As a parent you have a vital role in helping your child deal with the bully. Every parent wants their child to have a good day and a positive experience at school.

You and your child can work together to make your child feel good about themselves and stop the bully. Some advice on what to do includes:

Get them talking

If your child can talk to you about this it is the first step to dealing with the problem. Tell them it is not their fault they are being bullied and reassure them that together you will be able to stop the bullying.

Ignore it

The first step is to tell your child to ignore the bully and walk away from name callers and bullies. Sometimes this is all it takes as once the bullying has no effect the offender will stop.

Talk to the bully

If ignoring the bully doesn’t work get your child to go up to the bully and say; “I have talked to my parents and they want you to stop doing this as I don’t like it.” Once the bully knows the parents are in the loop this will often stop them.

Play safe

Encourage your child to hang out with good friends who support them and encourage these friends to come and play. Tell your child to play where they feel safe. Students playing near the staffroom do not seem to get picked on.

Keep talking

Encourage your child to talk to a trusted adult when they are bullied. Assure your child that by talking to an adult about the bullying they are not ‘telling tales’.

Talk to the school

It may become necessary to talk to your child’s school about the problem. The school will want your child to feel safe and happy at school and may not be aware of the problem until you bring it up. Talk to the school about the steps you can take together to address the bullying. This may include talking to the bully’s parents.

Ask the school what they can do to help you resolve the problem. Most schools have an antibullying policy in place and often will resolve the issue very quickly.

WHAT ABOUT TEXT OR CYBER BULLYING?

Some students are scared to tell their parents about text or cyber bullying as they fear their parents may take their phone off them or not let them on the net. You need to assure your child that you can sort out the problem without doing this.

If your child is quieter than normal or is looking worried after reading texts or being online ask “Are you getting texts that are not nice or upsetting you,” or “Did something happen online that has made you upset.” It doesn’t hurt from time to time to bring up bullying around the dinner table. You can say you have been reading about text or cyber bullying in the paper and ask if your child gets any bullying messages.

If you child is receiving nasty or offensive texts phone their mobile network provider as soon as possible. Your provider can send a warning text to the harasser and can disconnect that phone if the bullying behaviour continues. They could also block the bully’s number from your child’s phone.

Any nasty online comments should be saved to show to the website. You can do that by taking a screenshot of the mean comments (press the button on your keyboard that says ‘PrtScn’ and then paste it into a word document) – also make sure you take note of the address of the abusive page. You can then make a complaint to the website (such as Facebook or Instagram).

For more assistance call Netsafe on 0508 NETSAFE (0508 638723) or go to the website www.netsafe.org.nz . They will be happy to help. Remember, if your child is receiving violent or life threatening messages contact the police immediately.

Encourage your children to talk about bullying issues so together you can work through a solution.